An Open Letter To All Miami Drivers

Dear Miami drivers,

After living in this city all my life, the following is a list of things I've learned most of you are not aware of or chose to ignore. For the sake of your car and mine (and my sanity), I hope you take something away from this list.

1. That little doohickey on the left hand side of your steering wheel is called a Turning Signal. You use it to indicate when you want to turn or change lanes. Go ahead, press it down, it won't hurt you.
   
2. That same little doohickey turns off by itself when you make a wide enough turn but not when you change lanes. Remember how you turned it on? Do the opposite. There we go, it's off.
3. Brake lights are not optional. Buy them, get them, install them. Keep them working.
   
4. My car, much like myself, do NOT want to be sodomized. Get off my ass.
5. It rains in Miami. When this magical event happens and water falls from the sky we should probably turn our lights on so that we can see better and the cars behind us can see your car better.
6. While we're on the topic of rain- please note that puddles are accumulations of water. This is Miami, there are puddles and potholes full of water everywhere you turn! Slow the heck down! Not only is it bad for your brakes but it splashes onto other cars and can scare the be-jay-sus out of an unsuspecting driver.
7. Traffic lights are not there for decoration. Green means go, YELLOW MEANS SLOW DOWN, and red means STOP.
   
8. When making a left turn, either wait for the lead light or when the light is green and there are no cars coming your way. Waiting in the middle of the intersection during a yellow light and wait until the light turns red to make a left turn.
   
9. Yielding. Oh boy. This is when you are actually giving up the right of way, not inserting yourself like a rapist.
   
10. Merging; view number 9.

Sincerely,

Your neighbor.