Why Lie? I'm lazy.

There's no real reason to stop blogging once you've started unless you're caught in something you really shouldn't have been doing in the first place. Nothing as exciting as that happened, I just googled myself and found it WAY too easy to find me. Don't really know if I should have changed the privacy settings on here or not. Realistically, nothing I've ever written is something that I'm ashamed about, some things are just more personal than others.

So let's just get it all out in the open:

I'm obviously female and in South Florida and not by choice. I'm trying to wrap up a Bachelor's degree in Political Science but haven't made any concrete decisions about what the next step is. I love my mother, and have plenty of daddy issues- don't we all? I am absolutely addicted to traveling and definitely have my favorite cities. I'll be in DC for the third time this year in December! My friends are my world and most of them don't know about this blog or have forgotten all about it. This makes me happy since I like to think of it as my little nook in the world.

I think that's a pretty good snapshot of my life.

Oui Mom, You're Right.

Mothers just have a way about them. I don't think anyone can explain, not even they can. It's like they acquire all this insight and knowledge just by having their kids and of course want to bestow it upon them whether they like it or not. Well, ladies and gentlemen, I think I've finally reached that age when I'm going to take some of that advice.

After one of these lovely heart to hearts with the maman, I'll be taking 3 more classes next year. Luckily they're classes that I'm pretty excited about- French! I took French many, many moons ago and vaguely remember how to count and to identify colors but it's something I've been wanting to do for a while.

The way I see it, this is a win-win situation: I get to boost my GPA with the 10 credits because let's get real, I'm not taking any other classes, how can I not do well? And I get to scratch "learn another language" off of my Bucket List.

In other news, I've been trying to watch Lawrence of Arabia for days now. Between working 50+ hours a week, and pretty much doing nothing other than sleeping and eating while at home, I can't seem to stay awake. I don't think people should be allowed to make 4 hour long movies. Seriously, we complained about Titanic and Benjamin Button, but this one takes the cake!

I also finally decided that I would go through with buying the book, 1000 Places to See In The US and Canada Before You Die. I have mixed feelings about it. Realistically, the best thing for me to do is to start working through th Florida list, and that's just what I've been doing. Let me be honest, folks- I could have died without seeing most of these places. Some of them are almost completely uneventful trips. But they're trips nonetheless and I'm enjoying making my way through it. My next stop? Chicago!

Booked a Spirit flight for $47 roundtrip taxes included and am taking off in September with some friends to explore the Windy City. I've always had a not-so-secret crush on the city of Chicago so I cannot wait! More on that to come.

Mini-Vacation

Aside from the recent drama in my life, I'm actually having a pretty great time! Next week I leave for DC for 3 days. I know, I know, I was just there in February. I just love that city! It seems like every time I go, I find something new I like.

This time I'll actually be staying in Virginia which is something that I have never done before. So we'll be reviewing the Crystal City/Arlington area. Exciting. Luckily, it's conveniently located to the Reagan airport which we're flying into so it already has a bonus point.

I'll be traveling with a friend of mine that has never been. She had no idea what she wanted to do or what she could do in the city but every now and then I get a text telling me that she's added a couple of things to her list of things to do. Cute, right?

I'm also excited about seeing an old college friend that I haven't seen in 2 years. I felt so awful about not contacting her when I went last time, but hanging out with her this time should be a blast. And lets not forget that I'll be meeting a pretty cool chick for the first time! I'm excited about trying out these places Lilu, and am really thankful for your help!

More info on my exciting adventures to come!

An Open Letter To All Miami Drivers

Dear Miami drivers,

After living in this city all my life, the following is a list of things I've learned most of you are not aware of or chose to ignore. For the sake of your car and mine (and my sanity), I hope you take something away from this list.

1. That little doohickey on the left hand side of your steering wheel is called a Turning Signal. You use it to indicate when you want to turn or change lanes. Go ahead, press it down, it won't hurt you.
   
2. That same little doohickey turns off by itself when you make a wide enough turn but not when you change lanes. Remember how you turned it on? Do the opposite. There we go, it's off.
3. Brake lights are not optional. Buy them, get them, install them. Keep them working.
   
4. My car, much like myself, do NOT want to be sodomized. Get off my ass.
5. It rains in Miami. When this magical event happens and water falls from the sky we should probably turn our lights on so that we can see better and the cars behind us can see your car better.
6. While we're on the topic of rain- please note that puddles are accumulations of water. This is Miami, there are puddles and potholes full of water everywhere you turn! Slow the heck down! Not only is it bad for your brakes but it splashes onto other cars and can scare the be-jay-sus out of an unsuspecting driver.
7. Traffic lights are not there for decoration. Green means go, YELLOW MEANS SLOW DOWN, and red means STOP.
   
8. When making a left turn, either wait for the lead light or when the light is green and there are no cars coming your way. Waiting in the middle of the intersection during a yellow light and wait until the light turns red to make a left turn.
   
9. Yielding. Oh boy. This is when you are actually giving up the right of way, not inserting yourself like a rapist.
   
10. Merging; view number 9.

Sincerely,

Your neighbor.

Movies to see

So, according to Ebert, these are 102 movies to see before you die. Sounds like an interesting summer project for anyone out there with plenty of time on their hands. The ones in the purple italics are ones that I've seen (18 out of 102), how do you match up?

1. "2001: A Space Odyssey" (1968) Stanley Kubrick
2. "The 400 Blows" (1959) Francois Truffaut
3. "8 1/2" (1963) Federico Fellini
4. "Aguirre, the Wrath of God" (1972) Werner Herzog
5. "Alien" (1979) Ridley Scott
6. "All About Eve" (1950) Joseph L. Mankiewicz
7. "Annie Hall" (1977) Woody Allen
8. "Apocalypse Now" (1979) Francis Ford Coppola*
9. "Bambi" (1942) Disney
10. "The Battleship Potemkin" (1925) Sergei Eisenstein
11. "The Best Years of Our Lives" (1946) William Wyler
12. "The Big Red One" (1980) Samuel Fuller
13. "The Bicycle Thief" (1949) Vittorio De Sica
14. "The Big Sleep" (1946) Howard Hawks
15. "Blade Runner" (1982) Ridley Scott
16. "Blowup" (1966) Michelangelo Antonioni
17. "Blue Velvet" (1986) David Lynch
18. "Bonnie and Clyde" (1967) Arthur Penn
19. "Breathless" (1959 Jean-Luc Godard
20. "Bringing Up Baby" (1938) Howard Hawks
21. "Carrie" (1975) Brian DePalma
22. "Casablanca" (1942) Michael Curtiz
23. "Un Chien Andalou" (1928) Luis Bunuel & Salvador Dali
24. "Children of Paradise" / "Les Enfants du Paradis" (1945) Marcel Carne
25. "Chinatown" (1974) Roman Polanski
26. "Citizen Kane" (1941) Orson Welles
27. "A Clockwork Orange" (1971) Stanley Kubrick
28. "The Crying Game" (1992) Neil Jordan
29. "The Day the Earth Stood Still" (1951) Robert Wise
30. "Days of Heaven" (1978) Terence Malick
31. "Dirty Harry" (1971) Don Siegel
32. "The Discreet Charm of the Bourgeoisie" (1972) Luis Bunuel
33. "Do the Right Thing" (1989 Spike Lee
34. "La Dolce Vita" (1960) Federico Fellini
35. "Double Indemnity" (1944) Billy Wilder
36. "Dr. Strangelove" (1964) Stanley Kubrick
37. "Duck Soup" (1933) Leo McCarey
38. "E.T. -- The Extra-Terrestrial" (1982) Steven Spielberg
39. "Easy Rider" (1969) Dennis Hopper
40. "The Empire Strikes Back" (1980) Irvin Kershner
41. "The Exorcist" (1973) William Friedkin
42. "Fargo" (1995) Joel & Ethan Coen
43. "Fight Club" (1999) David Fincher
44. "Frankenstein" (1931) James Whale
45. "The General" (1927) Buster Keaton & Clyde Bruckman
46. "The Godfather," "The Godfather, Part II" (1972, 1974) Francis Ford Coppola
47. "Gone With the Wind" (1939) Victor Fleming
48. "GoodFellas" (1990) Martin Scorsese
49. "The Graduate" (1967) Mike Nichols
50. "Halloween" (1978) John Carpenter
51. "A Hard Day's Night" (1964) Richard Lester
52. "Intolerance" (1916) D.W. Griffith
53. "It's a Gift" (1934) Norman Z. McLeod
54. "It's a Wonderful Life" (1946) Frank Capra
55. "Jaws" (1975) Steven Spielberg
56. "The Lady Eve" (1941) Preston Sturges
57. "Lawrence of Arabia" (1962) David Lean
58. "M" (1931) Fritz Lang
59. "Mad Max 2" / "The Road Warrior" (1981) George Miller
60. "The Maltese Falcon" (1941) John Huston
61. "The Manchurian Candidate" (1962) John Frankenheimer
62. "Metropolis" (1926) Fritz Lang
63. "Modern Times" (1936) Charles Chaplin
64. "Monty Python and the Holy Grail" (1975) Terry Jones & Terry Gilliam
65. "Nashville" (1975) Robert Altman
66. "The Night of the Hunter" (1955) Charles Laughton
67. "Night of the Living Dead" (1968) George Romero
68. "North by Northwest" (1959) Alfred Hitchcock
69. "Nosferatu" (1922) F.W. Murnau
70. "On the Waterfront" (1954) Elia Kazan
71. "Once Upon a Time in the West" (1968) Sergio Leone
72. "Out of the Past" (1947) Jacques Tournier
73. "Persona" (1966) Ingmar Bergman
74. "Pink Flamingos" (1972) John Waters
75. "Psycho" (1960) Alfred Hitchcock
76. "Pulp Fiction" (1994) Quentin Tarantino
77. "Rashomon" (1950) Akira Kurosawa
78. "Rear Window" (1954) Alfred Hitchcock
79. "Rebel Without a Cause" (1955) Nicholas Ray
80. "Red River" (1948) Howard Hawks
81. "Repulsion" (1965) Roman Polanski
82. "The Rules of the Game" (1939) Jean Renoir
83. "Scarface" (1932) Howard Hawks
84. "The Scarlet Empress" (1934) Josef von Sternberg
85. "Schindler's List" (1993) Steven Spielberg
86. "The Searchers" (1956) John Ford
87. "The Seven Samurai" (1954) Akira Kurosawa
88. "Singin' in the Rain" (1952) Stanley Donen & Gene Kelly
89. "Some Like It Hot" (1959) Billy Wilder
90. "A Star Is Born" (1954) George Cukor
91. "A Streetcar Named Desire" (1951) Elia Kazan
92. "Sunset Boulevard" (1950) Billy Wilder
93. "Taxi Driver" (1976) Martin Scorsese
94. "The Third Man" (1949) Carol Reed
95. "Tokyo Story" (1953) Yasujiro Ozu
96. "Touch of Evil" (1958) Orson Welles
97. "The Treasure of the Sierra Madre" (1948) John Huston
98. "Trouble in Paradise" (1932) Ernst Lubitsch
99. "Vertigo" (1958) Alfred Hitchcock
100. "West Side Story" (1961) Jerome Robbins/Robert Wise
101. "The Wild Bunch" (1969) Sam Peckinpah
102. "The Wizard of Oz" (1939) Victor Flemming

Fourth of July

So, I've been lacking a bit on the blog writing but at least I have a good reason. Besides getting caught up with work, having a crappy internet connection at home, and the need to really sit down and think before I write- I've had fun!

This past weekend we "kidnapped" a friend and took her to Disney. There's just something about Disney that makes me happy. Even at 9pm when the fireworks are over, my ankles are swollen, and my feet feel like they're on fire, I wanna come back the next day. We went to EPCOT which was great since I had never actually finished the park. It really served to show me that in another life or at some crazy point in my life I want to pack everything I need in one suitcase and try to live in Italy. Even the fake Disney Italy makes me happy. The thought of learning just enough Italian to get by and finding a job and a place to live somehow sounds more like an adventure than something scary. If I wasn't already in debt, I'd do it.

Wow, I just realized what I wrote. A blog I follow (and one I recommend if you've ever been in a relationship, faced hard times, or been a woman) TudorCityGirl, wrote something in response to the statement I just made. I can't say that I've read every post as she has been blogging for much longer but if I'm not mistaken, she has a life coach. The last bits of wisdom she got from the life coach and shared with her readers was to "do everything to live your best life." Coach also shared common excuses that people use to avoid doing so, my previous comment was one of them. Either way the responsible, numbers-loving adult in me won't let me do this until I'm more financially stable.

Lovely little tangent, wasn't that? The real reason for this post was that it is finally July and the 4th is just around the corner! Can you believe it? It feels like this year is both going by too quick and dragging on at the same time. Does that make sense to anyone else?

For most people, Valentine's Day is the day that they usually long for a companion. I, on the other hand, get this feeling around the Fourth of July. Maybe it was that one year with my first serious boyfriend that has had me spoiled and finding fireworks romantic. We went out to Bayside, and even though it was ridiculously hot and there were about 300 people surrounding us, for a brief moment, we were the only ones there. That he had the courage for all that PDA in front of my family no less, really impressed me. Wow, that was so corny! If Mel still reads my blog she'll gag a little. Sorry!

I think I'm going to cut this post short before I get out of hand. Anyone in need of a date this weekend? Lol, just kidding!

All Smiles

The day has finally come (and now gone)! I am officially done with my undergraduate work! The second I walked out of that last exam I was all smiles. I almost couldn't believe it. I actually got a little choked up as I was walking to the parking garage but I knew I had phone calls to make. After a brief call to my mom I started sending out a mass text message so that the world would know the wonderful news.

This has been an amazing weekend so far. Right after I left campus I went home, packed my bag and came to the hotel I rented at Coconut Grove. After a short period of fear (the 5 hour energy drinks I'd had for my last all-nighter were giving me palpitations) I shrieked! I had never seen a bathtub so huge! Definitely made for 2 (maybe 3) people. After a shower and a nap I headed out to Cheesecake Factory with a friend and had quite an amazing meal. The hostess, with whom I am friends with, sent us over a cheesecake that said "Congrats Grad!" It was so cute and thoughtful.

The night progressed and we headed out to the bar right across the way and had a few drinks. After seeing way too many skanky women girating in ways that REALLY should not be done in public we decided to move on. Off to dance! This was the first time I'd ever actually seen one of my friends dance so I was very proud of him!

After sleeping in these awesome beds we headed out for the best breakfast I've had in a long time. Truly delicious! Unfortunately, I had to head out to work for a bit so I wasn't able to shop around. Or so I thought; right when I get to work I'm told I can go home. You don't have to tell me twice! I headed home to pick up my camera and to the liquor store for "supplies."

Arriving back at the hotel, I took a moment to just relax. Watched some tv, had a drink, took a shower and then headed out with a friend to go get massages. We were so hungry though, that we stopped for pizza and it ended up being too late for our appointment. We had to reschedule it for tomorrow which is actually perfect because we plan to go out tonight.

And now here I am, blogging away, contemplating taking a quick nap before I get ready to go out to dinner with a (surprisingly large) group of friends. I wonder if we should go back to the place we had breakfast? Hmmm....

Ok, nap time!

Almost Done

I don't have much to write today except for the fact that it finally hit me; in 5 days I will have a Bachelor's Degree! It's about time! Though the fun times seem to have gone by too fast, in the past couple of semesters I questioned whether or not I'd make it out in one piece.

So what is a girl to do? Celebrate! Thank you, priceline.com for helping me book a 4-Star Hotel in a great area for only $65. I'll be there and partying immediately following my final. I'm looking forward to relaxing and getting together with some great friends.

Making It A Habit & Dr. S

Apparently in order to for a habit (or get rid of one) it will take you approximately 3 weeks to a month. Should not be too bad if I start slow, right? So far I'm keeping that in mind and instead of opting to go for a run at 5am I am just taking the stairs up and down, no matter where I'm at. Luckily the highest level at the parking garage at school is only 5 flights up and my class is on the 4Th floor. We'll see how this goes.

I suppose blogging could very well be another habit to pick up. Let's call this day 3. Twenty-seven more to go. I really started blogging because a professor of mine recommended it; she always stressed reading and writing to improve our day to day lives. When she found out that I wanted to pursue AmeriCorps, she told me personally to do so. So, here I am. At some point I'm sure I'll email her the link to this and hopefully she'll see how she influenced my life yet again.

I'm going to welcome this digression and talk a little bit about her.

My first encounter with Dr. S was my sophomore year when I took American Government with her. Boy did she rattle my nerves! 8 am class and there were no excuses and no way to get in that door if you were there at 8:01. Did I mention that attendance was mandatory? She did not, and does not, play games. I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but when we found out that she is an ex drill Sargent we knew not to mess with her!

Her class, although one of the most difficult courses I'd taken, proved to be a lot of fun. We were constantly analyzing the current political situation and learning to put theories into practical perspectives and this was the kind of thing that I loved!

Dr. S was always someone that I could approach after class. I remember making her late to her next class a couple of times because I loved talking to her. She is one of those individuals who will show you genuine interest (and lack thereof) whenever she can.

Fast forward a couple of years and I am now in my last semester at college (or so I thought). I run into Dr. S at the Political Science department and she greets me warmly. I was so surprised to see that she remembered me. Right away she asked me, "Are you taking my class next semester?" What do I say? Truth is, I hadn't planned on it but there it was, another challenge. Could I do it? On the spot I decided that I wanted to get the most out of the education I'm paying for and told her I'd sign up.

I was waiting to talk to an advisor and she stepped in and did it for me. Needless to say, the guy that was there waiting shot me a couple of dirty looks since I was getting all my questions answered on the spot. I walked out feeling accomplished and excited.

Fast forward again to the first day of her Supreme Court class. Here was where I found out I wasn't the only masoquist out there that was a part of her following. As she was giving her usual "I'm not taking crap from anyone" speech she asked for those that had taken her before to stand up. A good 1/3 of the class rose. She called us crazy and told the rest of the class to ask us if she was serious.

Throughout the semester it was really the only class I focused on. I had no interest in my other classes anymore, I was taking them just to finish and get my degree. Towards the end of the semester Dr. S and I had a little chat. She had noticed that I was "burned out" and said so to my face! Cue the waterworks. Truer words could not have been spoken. This was exactly what I needed to hear. She didn't say it in a judging way, she seemed to understand. And in fact, she did. She told me that she had felt this way once before too, she went off and joined the army.

We started talking about the AmeriCorps option and she pushed me to do it. She said it was a great opportunity and through my tears I told her the programs I was interested it. For whatever reason I am tearing up now and I can only imagine that it is because I have yet been able to express my gratitude to her. This woman does it all. She is a professor and is herself a law school student. How does she do it? I don't know the answer to this but I am so thankful God put her in my life.

What Was That ?!?!

Despite my initial gut reaction, there are people in my "real world" that know of my blog world. Still don't know how I feel about this but I'm not going to pretend to be so important that they are all just waiting for me to write something and read it secretly. Seriously, that's what Facebook is for.

Anyway, a tidbit of information about myself that many don't know: I not-so-recently joined Match.com with a friend of mine because...well, because we could. The results have not been anything worthy of writing home about and hardly ever progress to more than a first, and a rare second date. I'm convinced that there is no single man in Miami that I am meant to be with. There just isn't.

The following is an excerpt of an email I sent a fellow blogger about my last encounter that I just felt I had to share with the world:

Earlier in the week, I "winked" at someone I found attractive. Reading through his profile there were at least 3 things that let me know we would never work out. Despite all this, I gave him my number and he called.

I have to say, I completely agree with a comment I read somewhere on your blog about men on dating sites and their having 3 different personas. When Carlos called, I got to meet his second one and it scared me out of ever meting the third. For starters, he had a strange panting-type of speech. I don't even want to let my mind wander enough to analyze what was going on at the other end of that conversation!

At some point he talks about Pit Bull (the rapper, not the animal) and tries to sing one of his lyrics and gets stuck. Sadly, the lyric was "1...2...3...4..." I still dont know if he cant count or if there was something else wrong with him. Pretty ridiculou, right? It gets better.

Then began his interview. He seemed to be reading off of a list of questions he had made to prep for this phone call. Innocent enough I guess, "why are you on match.com" and the such. Fine, I give in and am just brutally honest with him- I hate that question. It's silly to think that I am here for any different reason than you are. If I'm paying for something you damn sure better believe I'm not on here to play games. A little harsh I guess, but he laughed it off.

His next question, verbatim: "name 3 physical things you like in a guy." Um... OK. I b.s. my way through this and turn these questions back around on him. His answers, in between grunts, were that he wanted a "thick gurl," (I hate this spelling too, but if he were to write it I have a feeling this is exactly how he'd spell it) "eyes," (not sure if he just required the thick girl to have a pair or if there was something particular about them that he liked) "and a big ass booty." I couldn't resist it anymore, I busted out laughing. Typical hispanic man, objectifying women without any regard to how insensitive they sound. I couldn't deal with it anymore, I had to hang up. I know it was rude, but I just couldn't deal.


So...yea... that's the end of that for now.

DailyPlate.com

On a completely unrelated note to my last post, I encountered my new favorite website today. It is thedailyplate.com. It is basically an electronic food journal that lets you upload all that you eat as well as document your calories burned through exercise as well as your everyday activities.

For anyone that is having trouble losing weight, or would just like some help with it, I see this being a very useful tool. Let me know if you've used it or want to try it out together, I'd love the company!

Hello Again

Exactly one month later, I'm back to writing. I think part of my reason for being absent was because I didn't know how to follow that last post. I didn't expect to share things that were so personal to me.

Either way, here I am.

This past month or so has been an exciting one. I've made some big decisions and am trying to sort out my life. For one, I decided not to apply for Grad School. Instead, I decided to join AmeriCorps. I am not sure which program it is that I would like to do within AmeriCorps, and have at least 9 applications out right now, but I am very excited about this. I guess you could say that this brought on by my inability to decide what it is that I want to do with my life, but I look at it as a way to give back (and buy myself some time, I'll own up to it!).

Though I was really excited about these possibilities, I quickly realized that the living stipend that they provide their volunteers with is really just not enough. At least, it isn't enough in most states. I was first interested in a job in Rhode Island. Rhode Island, though, is a very expensive state. I calculated that they only way I'd be able to make that budget work would be to get a second job, leave my car in Miami, and get a roommate.

The roommate situation was not one that fazed me as I have been living on campus for the past 4 years and am used to sharing a living space. The second job thing worried me though. I've never actually HAD to do that, I've done it in the past but just to earn extra cash. I don't know if my sanity could withstand being that far away from home (yes, I'd eventually miss it) and having to become a workaholic.

There is one very exciting aspect of all this though- getting out! I've been dying to move out of Miami (I know, I know, it's not normal. Whatever!) for a very long time now and this is a great way to do that. I will admit that I will most likely end up in Oklahoma-the cheapest state in the country- risking my life with their tornadoes -an average of 54 a year- just to be able to make ends meet.

Oklahoma- talk about a culture shock! If this is the case, I foresee this blog taking a whole new direction. Get excited, I know I am!

The only other option that I am looking at right now is a full time salaried position with Habitat for Humanity. I am going to work on that resume and give it a shot because it seems like something that I would really enjoy and that I already have some experience in. I gotta say, I see a trend! Now that I have just let life happen I am starting to see a little nook of the world that I belong in.

If there is anyone out there that has thought about or has been a part of AmeriCorps, please let me know! I'd love to hear your stories and learn about your experiences.

A Haunting

I remember when you came back into my life. It caused so much pain. A relationship I treasured so much was now strained. My mother would never look at me the same. But she loved me, she always has. I knew that some day she would understand and forgive me. And she has. But what about you?

How could I ever have known that you loved me? You had the nerve to pull out that picture of me. It made me so angry. Maybe I was in your wallet this whole time, but why? Why, if I was a phone call away, a short drive, would you drive this wedge between us?

This day replays over and over in my head. It haunts me because I know I was mean to you. I know that I was angry and hurtful. I felt like you deserved it. I still kind of do. Your not being there for so many years hurt me in ways that I cannot overcome, I just have to set it aside and try not to let it seep into my life. These attempts are futile.

I'm so torn. I'm so angry. Angry at you, and angry at me. Angry at you for your obvious actions, or lack thereof. Why was it that I was the one that had to make that phone call? You were an adult, why would you refuse to act like that? I can't even take it personally, this was your pattern, you always left. You always abandoned, you always left that void. Angry at me because I'm still angry and this still affects me.

Well, now you're gone. For good. There's no getting you back. And now I'm left being angry at myself. I'm angry that I called you out that day. Why was I so hurtful? Why not just try to rebuild what we had? Your words, "mi princesita" still make me cry today. That was what set me off, it was my trigger. Your princess? How dare you. "Bullshit!" I called out on you. I made you feel small because I refused to be lied to. Don't refer to me as something you treasure when you have shown me nothing but neglect in the past 8 years. Unacceptable- the both of us.

Perhaps I should have been nicer. Perhaps I should have just pretended everything would be alright. Perhaps I never should have called. But no, this wouldn't make me feel any better now. We attempted to reconcile our past despite both of our actions. A lot of good that did us, to this day you are a stranger to me. That "family" you gave me, who are they? Perhaps that's the real reason I am angry. Because I didn't make the most of the time that I DID have with you.

What if I didn't make that phone call? Would I even know of your leaving? Would I still have that hope that someday you would reach out for me? It seems to me that nothing would have ever come from your end. I am proud of what I did. I am proud that I could say I took that first step. And as awful as it sounds, I know that that makes me a better person than you. And I am proud of that.

The worst part of this all is that I'd give it all up. I'd eat my words. I'd do anything, just for another moment with you. Just to have you hold me, hug me like you mean, tell me that you're proud of me, that you know everything will be ok. Tell me that you love me. I miss you so much, I miss what we never had.

Damn you, Dad.

A Little More About Me

Maybe this is cheating, but I joined in on this fad when it came around to me on Facebook and I figured I'd post this on here to help complete the picture that is me.

25 Random Facts About Me:

1. I don't know how to ride a bike or skate in any way. I want to learn and everyone says they want to teach me, but it just never happens.

2. I hate birds. Its a fear and it's real. Mock me if you must.

3. I'd rather be in debt than not get to travel.

4. The misuse of "your" and "you're" and of "there," "they're," and "their" kills a little part of me every time I see it.

5. I've started a list of things that make me happy because my roommate called me out on it every time I said that phrase. (I've started to upload some of it onto this blog)

6. I love to-do lists and lists of all kinds. I can't function without them and yes, I make lists within my to-do lists, just live with it.

7. I was my mom's height when I was in third grade. Freakishly tall child, freakishly short mother.

8. "Gerr" is probably the only nickname I've ever had. Only two people get to use it. (Maybe 3)

9. I fall for people entirely too quickly even though I tell myself I don't. (My mother's shockingly accurate analysis of my love life.)

10. I've always wanted to go to culinary school. I guess if all else fails...

11. I want children but I'm scared that my raising of them will create little (and then adult) monsters. So far I just act like the mom for most of my friends.

12. I'm addicted to checking my email. I do it at least 4 times a day (all 3 accounts)! However I don't understand how people keep hundreds or even thousands of emails in their inbox. The delete button is your friend!

13. I love art and architecture and different kinds of design. Although not very talented in any of them, I appreciate it.

14. I have three older sisters and an older brother. One sister I've never met, she lives in Cuba. (My mom's daughter) The rest I can count the number of times we've been together on one hand. (My dad's "children"- I use that term loosely)

15. The Residence Hall Association at my university has changed my life.Trust me, I know it is corny, but it is the truth.

16. I can't keep a journal. I tell myself that I will but I never follow through. Maybe I'll just start a book of my lists. (Or now, this blog!)

17. I had an afro for many years. No, you can't see the pictures, I'm traumatized enough.

18. I talk to inanimate objects all the time. It could be my TV, the non-existent turning signal in the car in front of me, my food (Elise's fault), or pretty much anything else that is in front of me.

19. I had a "bucket list" before the movie came out. (No surprise if you read #6)

20. My favorite number is six but I prefer even numbers overall. I remember arriving to our hotel room in DC and saying that we had a good room (248 or something like that) because all the numbers in it were even. I know, it's weird.

21. Hazelnut is my favorite creamer. (Hey, the list says "random," right?)

22. I swear I'm allergic to Florida. Miami in specific. Not like a friend of mine who actually has allergies to things native to FL, but just the state of mind and life that exists down here. Someone get me out!

23. I like things around me to be blue, green, white, or a combination of those colors.

24. I finally have health insurance starting tomorrow! After only 4 years of going without! Maybe 3.

25. This is one list I didn't really like making. (This is probably only partly true.)

Searching for Fulfillment

I'm going to apologize in advance for the length of this post. I didn't anticipate that I'd have so much to say.

Although I don't think that this is something that is unique to me (Hello there, quarter-life crisis group!), searching for fulfillment is something that I have been undergoing for a while.

It has been years since I have been trying, and sometimes not trying, to reconcile my issues with religion. Going way back, in the first years of high school I went to church on a semi-regular basis and was actually baptized as a born-again Christian. Even at this point, I felt that this was all being forced on me. I didn't feel as genuinely enthralled into this new religious regimen (my mother and I used to be Catholic but I use that term very loosely) as my mom. Even being baptized felt like a sham.

Let's back up a little. I suppose you can say that I never really was a part of a religious family. It has been me and my mom for as long as I can remember and she has always been so preoccupied with making ends meet and more practical things, that I never really saw her as a religious person when I was growing up. By all means, I do not mean this to sound judgmental or critical. I am grateful for everything my mother has done and look up to her for being able to do so.

Despite our priorities, we were not an Atheist family. As I alluded to earlier, we were "Catholic." In Miami, we have our own breed of Catholicism. Mostly, this group is composed of Hispanics that don't necessarily participate in religious services, go to church, or adhere to any of the principles of Christianity but call themselves that anyway. Another aspect of this group in Miami is the large population of Santeria and Santeros that we have here in Miami. It is not uncommon to go outside and see someone dressed fully in white, with shaved heads, and adorned with brightly colored necklaces. These are people newly involved within the practices of Santeria and this is a form of ritual. Most of these people, if asked, would still say that they are Catholic. Needless to say, there is quite the religious identity-crisis going on in this town.

As the years went on, it was my mom that began the soul searching around the time that I was 14, 15 years old she had a new coworker that is what I call a "hardcore Christian." This woman, lived and breathed religion. She was the type that wouldn't come back from peeing without receiving a revelation from God that she just HAD to tell the world.

I partly blame this coworker, let's call her Maria, for my feelings about religion. Maria just seemed to overdo it. Every single conversation with her was geared around God, prayer, church, visions, and the healing power. Don't get me wrong, in the beginning I was almost jealous of this intense relationship that she seemed to have, and wanted to try to achieve it myself.

In the following months I went along with her kids, who were around my age, to Youth Group, went on church retreats, and even on attended Sunday Service from time to time. It was around this time that I was referring to when I wrote that I felt like I was beginning to feel like I was "faking it." I just wasn't that into it. I felt hypocritical because as a teenager I had my urges and compromising moments, and unlike others I had observed at church, I couldn't go and pretend.
So, for years, I cut church out of my life.

Enter the college years. I moved on campus and shared my room with a self-proclaimed Atheist/Agnostic but shared our suite with two other girls that were very much into their Christian faith. I always seemed to be on the fence on the rare occasions that religion came up and eventually decided that I had issues with organized religion. I think it was my sophomore year when I agreed to go to church on Easter with one of my roommates.

This was such a scary experience! It made me post about it on my Facebook page, I called my mom and told her, and I just didn't know what to expect. I also feel the need to explain that this was going to be my first time going to a service that was in English. But "onward and forward!" I told myself. I went with my roommate and a rather large group of individuals from out university. This, in it of itself, was rather odd to me. These were people that were my age, that led normal lives, that I had common interests with!

Problem fixed, right? Wrong. I wish I could say that this was it, that I became more religious from that moment on, but this is not the case. Over the next 2 years I was developing different aspects of my life that I felt conflicted with a religious personality so I didn't really pursue it. But at the same time, I've always felt that I was missing...something. Y'know, that thing that you can't quite put your finger on, that puts a smile on your face even on the worst days, the light at the end of that tunnel, that fulfillment. I knew that religion was the answer, or at least I wanted it to be, but at this point I just didn't know what to do. My old roommate had moved away to another state and this meant I'd be going to church alone. This was just too much for me to handle, it still is.

I now find myself going with her whenever she comes back down to Miami but not in the periods that she isn't around. Recently, though, I felt that I am turning to religion to help me fill in the missing gaps in my life. I need that direction, that guidance. I do still like that same church but struggle to get up and go. they even offer online sermons so I might try that out.

I somehow expected this blog to be a more "I'm frustrated, wtf is wrong with organized religion and wtf is wrong with me?" kind of post but it turned into a history of my religious views. I'm sure there will be follow-ups of this as time goes on, so this really is a work in progress. (As am I!)


Hope I didn't bore you to tears, and if I did, get a hanky.

If I Was A Man, I'd Be A Drag Queen

It's no secret that Miami is one of the cities gays flock to. Over the years I have befriended many a gay, called some of them my closest friends, and have even been dubbed a hag. The latter is a title that I wear proudly as I most definitely prefer it to "beard."

So what brings me to write this new post? I was dubbed a drag queen.

I think all the ladies out there can agree with me that we all have our days that we wish we were born men. And if you say you don't, I don't believe you. This past week my friend, gay of course, and I were having this conversation. I told him that if I were to chose who I would come back as in another life, it would be a gay man. He laughed in my face and said that I would be a drag queen.

Apparently, I have the attitude of a drag queen. Now, when I think of a drag queen I think "diva!" I mean, over the top, larger than life, showstopping, queen B attitude is how I'd describe drag queens. Am I wrong? I am not going to pretend to be a weak woman, or to not be stubborn but I sometimes WISH I had some of those qualities because I feel I'm so far from it.

Thank you, Miss Beyonce for trying to turn this "diva" thing into something positive, but I still don't see myself as a "female version of a hustler" either.

My friend guarantees me that he meant it as a compliment and I just have to convince myself of that.

So, on that note, "Where's my Perrier? This water is more flat than Miley Cyrus!"

**Bows and Exits Stage Left

London and Paris

I've noticed that some of the blogs I've been reading are written by individuals living in London and the UK. I don't want to call anyone out but I'd love some help from you guys!

This summer my two friends and I are planning a trip to London and Paris. We are not doing this through any travel company as we have done our own extensive road trips in the past and have been successful. We have a place to stay in Paris, (around the second week of July) but are a little dumbfounded as to what to do in London.

The original plan was to use our credit card points for a hotel but it is just not worth it while in Europe; our 13,000+ points would only get us one night in a decent hotel. This brings me to my question, what do you recommend? Living in a touristy area myself I know that it's hard to list off hotels but if you know of any alternatives to staying in one (or a hostel, we've checked) I'd love to hear it.

Also, activities and travel! We're planning on hitting the touristy spots because it's our first time in either of these cities but would love to get some ideas for places off the beaten path or even dining suggestions. We have a vegetarian with us and would like to keep it within a moderate price range. We were considering taking a train from one city to the next, any suggestions here?

As a side note, I found this during a google search for images and thought I'd share. It's a replica of London made entirely out of food!


A better look at the image can be found at : http://www.nowpublic.com/eat_london_a_model_of_london_made_out_of_food_

Thanks in advance for any suggestions!

Things That Make Me Happy

I make lists of everything! I use them to organize my day, plan trips, shop, you name it! I could think of no better way to let the world know about my likes than a list of things that make me happy and that I enjoy. I hope you do too!



Large, plush towels!























Root Beer Floats















Orchids



















Blankets



























Penguins



















Ponte Vecchio in Firenze, Italy (Florence)



























Tulips





















My Passport























Airports



















There are plenty more things on this list but at this point my procrastination has taken me into pretty late in the night/early in the morning so this post will have to be a work in progress!

Summers In Miami

Miami may seem like a popular destination to those who don't live in the immediate area. Sunshine, warm waters, great nightlife, and a cultural melting pot sound inviting to many. The summer season can be as wonderful as this all sounds but to a Miami native, it is a different story.

Being born and raised in Miami, Fl, "Summer" has a different meaning to me than most. Summer means tourists every where you turn, sun burns, mosquitoes, and crazier traffic. I, unlike most others who live in this city, am not a fan of Summer. For one, the heat is unbearable. Our winter temperatures here are what most would call Spring or even Summer throughout other parts of our country. By the time that August rolls around, you could fry an egg on our sidewalks.

Though I may seem totally pessimistic about living here during these next couple of months, I am writing this to hold myself to a promise. I promised myself to make the most of this summer. I hope that in the near future I will be relocating and starting new chapters in my life. Although I have dreamed of moving away, I am determined to find the beauty and fun that everyone around me seems to see before I leave. I'll be looking for new things to do, hopefully inexpensive ones, local activities, things unique to Miami.

I live my life through lists of goals; this summer, will be no different. I'll start with a list of things recommended to tourists and see what inspiration I get from there. For starters, I'll be trying to complete everything on this list:

1. South Beach

2. Miami Metro Zoo

3. Seaquarium

4. Everglades

5. Parrot Jungle Island (I'll need very good company for this- I have a fear of birds)

6. Monkey Jungle

7. Coral Castle

8. Design District

9. Visit the Freedom Tower

10. Holocaust Museum

Looks like I'll be busy. If you're a local or even a tourist that found a favorite spot, please feel free to recommend things to add! I'll be posting pictures and follow ups as time goes by.